My Experience of Stranger Stalking
As I sat on the bus heading into town, a familiar tug of apprehension pulled at my gut. Despite this inner resistance, I knew venturing out was a personal challenge I needed to confront, especially after weeks of self-imposed seclusion. The echoes of my peers’ advice to “get back on the horse” reverberated in my mind, urging me to push past my hesitations and embrace the unknown. Stepping off the bus, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t ready for what lay ahead. The recent breakup had left me wounded and vulnerable, and the prospect of putting myself out there again felt daunting. Yet, I pressed on, determined to impress family and friends and confront my fears head-on.
Little did I know, that the discomfort I felt would soon escalate into an agonising encounter. A seemingly innocuous date turned unsettling as this man displayed an unhealthy amount of knowledge about my life, divulging details I had never shared with him. Eventually attempting to excuse myself, I felt the weight of coercion as he insisted on accompanying me home, despite my protests. His behaviour stopped me from getting my bus, which meant I missed the last one home.
*His behaviour manipulated my choices, along with a lack of funds for a taxi, ultimately leading me to accept the offer of a lift.
manipulative, invasive, and potentially threatening
In his car I found myself trapped in a one-sided conversation dominated by his boasts and self-praise. His effortless navigation was a point of unease, as he didn’t ask where I lived but drove my route home – he held all the power in this action. Interrupting his talking, I directed him to pull over at the church, a sanctuary from the discomfort that enveloped me. Clambering out of the car, I felt a little panicked and a surge of relief washed over me, as I distanced myself from his presence. Though his annoyance was clear to see, I paid it no mind, my focus was walking away without looking at him.
Walking the rest of the way home I found solace in my brother’s company, I confided in him about the unsettling encounter and my decision to not see this individual again. As we discussed the implications of his intrusive knowledge, I felt a sense of clarity wash over me, reaffirming that I wasn’t ready for this dating scene – I needed more time.
Love Bombing
The following morning, as I was getting my daughter ready for the park, there was a knock on the door. Thinking my brother had left something behind, I swung the door open, laughing and saying, “What have you left?” To my surprise, I was greeted with the biggest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen, filling the porchway so I couldn’t see who was behind them. As I started to reach over the flowers to see who it was, I was mortified to see the weird date guy smiling at me, pushing the flowers further towards me. I was mortified, shocked, and fearful, especially as my six-year-old daughter was behind me. I had never given him my address or consent for further contact. This was the sliding door I wouldn’t be able to close for little more than three violent years.
I wanted to share this part of my life because sometimes we don’t have a choice who immerses themselves in our lives.
These behaviours are also part of the training courses and professional talks I give, some free but mostly paid. I want you to understand how it feels or what it looks like to be a hidden victim of stalking—adding context, no assumptions, raw data, no bias – NO BLAME.
Think of this context before you sit with a victim or survivor. Check-in with yourself—are you fit and well to conduct the interview? If not, pass it over, and reach out for collaboration, as you could damage a case and cause catastrophic social harm.
Do you want to know more?
Well, our podcast Dangerous Liaisons will be going live week commencing 22 April 2024. I’m Grateful for receiving funding to run the podcast and the Guests for supporting this journey and I can see some wonderful collaborations in the near future for some amazing workshops and seminars.
My business Hilton & McEwan, investigates, researches, and educates about stalking, violent assaults, and domestic abuse, but more importantly with collaboration we do independent case evaluations. I’m not just a professional of social housing and community safety, this career stemmed from professional collaborating with this offender, this perpetrator – my stalker. As I undertake my student life as a critical criminologist, I will be able to talk so much more about poor practice, processes, policy, legislation and how professionals add to social harms.
