I’m Caroline Saul, and I want to share my experience with you.
In the stillness before dawn, when darkness blankets the world and silence reigns supreme, a dormant power resides within every soul. This hidden strength lies patiently, waiting for its moment of opportunity. Sadly, for some, that moment never arrives, and they become grim statistics of femicide or homicide. Many remain missing, while others are sensationalised by the media, their painful experiences turned into entertainment that generates revenue and even memes at the expense of their dignity. The economy thrives on vilifying victims, perpetuating a cycle of harm that has damaged survivors for generations.
For others, the moment of opportunity arrives unexpectedly, shattering the calm of everyday life with the sharp sting of chaos. Through tears and setbacks, they emerge wounded but somehow stronger, forever changed by their experiences. In discovering this hidden resilience, they become beacons of hope for those still navigating their own paths to being heard and understood by the very people who are supposed to help.
Workshops – Making Sense of Stalking; The Anatomy of Perpetrator Dynamics; Understanding Stalking
Our lives were grounded in simple routines; from rising together for breakfast, to lively chatter on the way to primary school, then hitting the gym, followed by household chores, regular visits to my parents, and occasional trips to the library or shops. After school pick-up, it was off to the park, then back home for tea and story time – you can picture the scene. Our circle was knit tightly with immediate family and the close companionship of our school friends and their children.
Stepping off the bus, I felt unprepared for what lay ahead. My previous breakup had left me feeling vulnerable, and the idea of putting myself out there again felt daunting. Knowing I wasn’t ready, I pressed on, determined to confront my fears and show my family that I was capable of moving forward.
Little did I know that this outing would soon take a dark turn. What started as a seemingly harmless date quickly became unsettling as the man across from me revealed an alarming level of knowledge about my life, details I had never shared with him. Feeling increasingly unsafe, I attempted to excuse myself, but he insisted on accompanying me home. His persistence prevented me from catching my bus, leaving me stranded without transportation. With no money for a taxi, I reluctantly accepted his offer of a ride. As we drove, his conversation dominated by self-praise and boasts, I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease. He seemed to know my route home without me having to tell him, a subtle display of power that left me feeling trapped and vulnerable. Finally, I asked him to pull over at a nearby church, desperate to escape the discomfort of his presence.
As I walked the rest of the way home, I found solace in confiding in my brother about the unsettling encounter. We discussed the implications of his intrusive knowledge, I realised that I wasn’t ready to re-enter the dating scene.
The following morning, a knock on the door startled me. When I opened it, a large bouquet of flowers nearly blocked my view of the porch. Moving aside, I was shocked to see the same man from the date standing there, a smile on his face as he insisted I accept his flowers. At that moment, I was oblivious to the implications of his actions and how they would unfold in the years to come. I felt a mixture of confusion and discomfort, but I brushed it off, unaware that I was stepping into a situation that would alter my sense of safety forever.
Sample Catalogue of Coercion
- Invasion of privacy and violation of personal boundaries.
- Repeated patterns of intimidation and harassment.
- Manipulation and control tactics to instill fear and discomfort.
- Ignoring boundaries and disregarding consent.
- Disruption of daily life and emotional trauma.
- Exploitation of power dynamics to exert control.
- Coercive tactics to force compliance.
- Use of threats and intimidation to maintain dominance.
- Gaslighting and manipulation to undermine confidence.
- Repeated intrusive actions, disregarding the well-being of others.
Stalking is often a “course of conduct” that begins subtly, with actions like repeated contact, uninvited visits at work, the gym, or unexpected appearances that may seem isolated or harmless at first. It can also include harassment of friends or family, with the stalker enlisting others to intimidate and manipulate by proxy. Over time, these behaviours evolve into a persistent pattern that undermines a person’s sense of safety and autonomy. For many victims, the realisation that they are being stalked only comes after a series of unsettling incidents or an escalation in the stalker’s actions, leading to anxiety, fear, and a growing loss of control over daily life. Stalking often intersects with other forms of harassment, compounding its emotional and psychological toll on victims and survivors.
Caroline is the founder of Hilton & McEwan
An anti-Stalking service for marginalised victims and survivors of stalking
Drawing from extensive experience in social housing and community safety, we offer a uniquely positioned service that includes training for understanding, a podcast titled “Dangerous Liaisons,” and a victim support group. Our expertise spans investigations, research, education, and social work, with a focus on independent case reviews. We collaborate with top professionals across the United Kingdom, ensuring excellence in our services and impactful outcomes.
COVERT (closed)
Covert stalking behaviours involve actions that are concealed or hidden from the victim’s awareness. This could include the stalker secretly following the victim, monitoring their activities without their knowledge, or gathering information about them through indirect means such as social media or mutual acquaintances. Covert stalking is harmful and difficult for the victim to detect, as the actions are designed to avoid detection and maintain control over the victim.
overt (open)
Overt stalking behaviours are more visible and apparent. This may include the stalker making direct approaches, sending or personally giving unwanted messages or gifts, vandalising property, or engaging in confrontational behaviour in person. It’s dangerous as overt stalking can be intimidating and frightening for victims, as the stalkers and their third-party actions are openly hostile and aggressive. These behaviours are often witnessed by others and can have serious consequences for the victim’s safety and well-being.