my story
In the stillness before dawn, when darkness blankets the world and silence reigns supreme for most, there exists a dormant power within every soul. It's a strength that lies hidden, waiting patiently for its moment of opportunity. Sadly, for some, that moment never arrives, but for others it arrives unexpectedly, disrupting the calm of everyday life with the sharp sting of chaos. Through the tears and the setbacks, they emerge wounded and now find a hidden strength to become a beacon of hope for others still navigating their own paths to being heard and understood.
Our lives were grounded in simple routines; from rising together for breakfast, to lively chatter on the way to primary school, then hitting the gym, followed by household chores, regular visits to my parents, and occasional trips to the library or shops. After school pick-up, it was off to the park, then back home for tea and story time – you can picture the scene. Our circle was knit tightly with immediate family and the close companionship of our school friends and their children.
Stepping off the bus, I felt unprepared for what lay ahead. The breakup had left me feeling vulnerable, and the idea of putting myself out there again felt daunting. But I pressed on, determined to confront my fears and show my loved ones that I was capable of moving forward.
Little did I know that this outing would soon take a dark turn. What started as a seemingly harmless date quickly became unsettling as the man across from me revealed an alarming level of knowledge about my life—details I had never shared with him. Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, I attempted to excuse myself, but he insisted on accompanying me home. His persistence prevented me from catching my bus, leaving me stranded without transportation.
With no money for a taxi, I reluctantly accepted his offer of a ride. As we drove, his conversation dominated by self-praise and boasts, I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease. He seemed to know my route home without me having to tell him—a subtle display of power that left me feeling trapped and vulnerable. Finally, I asked him to pull over at a nearby church, desperate to escape the discomfort of his presence.
As I walked the rest of the way home, I found solace in confiding in my brother about the unsettling encounter. We discussed the implications of his intrusive knowledge, and I realised that I wasn’t ready to re-enter the dating scene.
The following morning, a knock on the door brought an unexpected surprise—a massive bouquet of flowers, filling the porchway and blocking my view. When I moved to see who was behind them, I was shocked to find the same man from the date, smiling at me forcing me to take his flowers.
Sample Catalogue of Coercion
- Invasion of privacy and violation of personal boundaries.
- Repeated patterns of intimidation and harassment.
- Manipulation and control tactics to instill fear and discomfort.
- Ignoring boundaries and disregarding consent.
- Disruption of daily life and emotional trauma.
- Exploitation of power dynamics to exert control.
- Coercive tactics to force compliance.
- Use of threats and intimidation to maintain dominance.
- Gaslighting and manipulation to undermine confidence.
- Repeated intrusive actions, disregarding the well-being of others.
i am the founder of hilton & mcewan
safeguarding & CRIME prevention
Drawing from extensive experience in social housing and community safety, we offer a uniquely positioned service that includes training for understanding, a podcast titled “Dangerous Liaisons,” and a victim support group. Our expertise spans investigations, research, education, and social work, with a focus on independent case reviews. We collaborate with top professionals across the United Kingdom, ensuring excellence in our services and impactful outcomes.
The power and control model offers a framework for understanding male violence against women, portraying it as a means of preserving dominance and perpetuating women's subordination. This is accomplished through the implementation of specific tactics designed to exert power and control, including rape, physical violence, harassment, and various forms of threats and third party partnerships.
COVERT STALKING
Covert stalking behaviours involve actions that are concealed or hidden from the victim’s awareness. This could include the stalker secretly following the victim, monitoring their activities without their knowledge, or gathering information about them through indirect means such as social media or mutual acquaintances. Covert stalking is harmful and difficult for the victim to detect, as the actions are designed to avoid detection and maintain control over the victim.
overt transition
Overt behaviours are more visible and apparent. This may include the stalker making direct approaches, sending or personally giving unwanted messages or gifts, vandalising property, or engaging in confrontational behaviour in person. It’s dangerous as overt stalking can be intimidating and frightening for victims, as the stalkers and their third-party actions are openly hostile and aggressive. These behaviours are often witnessed by others and can have serious consequences for the victim’s safety and well-being.